Monday 30 April 2012

Things I have learnt

On September 1st 2012 I will turn 21 years old. 
As well as scaring me half to death, the prospect of adulthood has lead me to contemplate the things I have learnt during the last 20 years 7 months and 29 days.
It has also brought me to the conclusion that since my Hogwarts acception letter is now nearly 10 years late, it probably isn't coming.

To mark the occasion, I have compiled a list of the Top Ten "Things I have learnt in the past 20 years 7 months and 29 days." 

10)
As a rule, non aquatic animals do not like water.
This lesson was learnt as a result of trying to bath many a dog/cat/budgie.

9)
Primark shoes fall apart.
This lesson was learnt many years ago but is still ignored to this day

8)
As a rule, technology does not like water.
This lesson was learnt through the deaths of several cameras, iPods and mobile phones.

7)
Children don't care if you've had a crappy day
Especially children that just want to buy some new school shoes and leave as quickly as they possibly can.

6)
If something seems too good to be true, it probably is.
Self explanatory.

5)
If you spread yourself thinly, you'll wear out quickly.
You can't please everyone, something's got to give. Sometimes a day doing nothing in your pyjamas eating inexcusable numbers of chocolate digesteves is not only wonderful. It is also necessary to avoid a nervous breakdown.

4)
Don't leave work until the last minute
This rule was learnt the hard way and is ignored constantly. And currently.

3)
My room is only ever tidy when I have something more important to be doing.
For example, with an exam in 3 days, a 6000 word report and a dissertation proposal due, my room is the tidiest it has been in years.

2)
I will never ever be good with money.
Being broke is a constant problem for me and probably always will be regardless of how much I get paid.

and most prominently
1)
The video of the pug in the toilet will never ever stop being funny.
Behold!


That will do for now...


Sunday 29 April 2012

If you had been me today, the following would have happened to you:

1. 
Rescued a squirrel from a watery grave through the clever deployment of a twig as a life raft.

2. 
Got extremely angry at Southern Trains.
Although in fairness this happens to me most days

3.
 Rescued Intruder Cat from a pot of gravy that she inexplicably had managed to get her hind legs stuck in.

4. 
Broke my foundation on the bus, splattering the innocent man sitting next to me in "Warm Almond" colouring.

5. 
Was put directly in the path of temptation by my mother and an enormous chocolate cheesecake.
I cracked.
Wouldn't you?

6.
Got more and more excited for Zara Kershaws first gig with Myles! Here's a video of her singing my absolute favourite song!

and while we're at it, here's a video of my wonderful boyfriend making some strings sing


Saturday 28 April 2012

Intruder Cat

Look what I found sleeping in my front room today...

It's worth noting that my family doesn't own a cat.


Her name is Cassie and she lives 5 doors up to road from me.
I call her Intruder Cat.
She only comes to visit me when it suits her
She gives me for cuddles and warmth when it's raining
and her charming good looks melt my heart.


And every day she goes home to her family and breaks my heart again.
I feel so used.


Friday 27 April 2012

Fate?

Me:
Can I have £2.50 on my Oyster card and scratch card number 9 please? 
Newsagent:
Sure just put your Oyster card on there. Lottery wasn't it?
Me: 
Err...
Newsagent:
*Produces Lotto ticket*
Me:
Thankyou. Can I have scratch card 9 please?

The next day.
Me:
Hey, do you know what the Lotto numbers were for last night?
Newsagent:
Sure, here they are.
*Interlude as I check the numbers*

Me:
I think I got three numbers!
Newsagent:
Congratulations!!
*Produces crisp ten pound note*


The lesson: sometimes, just go with it.